The REAL Reason You DON’T Have A Man: Tony Gaskins breaks it down!

AMEN! Speak on it brotha…

Tony Gaskins has been on Oprah, and is a motivational speaker. He also blogs about relationships about both man and women. Today he focuses on why Ladies don’t have a man. According to Tony, you may be TOO independent for your own good.

Ladies, before you wrinkle your mouth ‘cuz you mad…pay attention to what he’s saying to YOU…after the jump!

The Independent Woman (Epidemic).  For those of you that may not know the meaning of epidemic it’s a widespread outbreak of an infectious disease. Yes, I said it, DISEASE. It’s ok and it’s respectable for a woman to have her own money, house,  and car, but it’s a problem when it becomes a defense mechanism. At that point it almost takes psychiatry to fix a woman. The true essence of being an independent woman has been lost, and I hope that soon it can be found.

When it was right women were independent because they had to be. It was a backup plan, it was that strength in adversity or survival of the fittest type thing. Women who were left by a man, or became a widow or just never found a man that would respect her mind and her body so she had to be independent. Women knew that it was a means to an end, and they kept the hope alive. They weren’t complacent, they were hopeful. They didn’t show it off or flaunt it, they were independent because that’s what life threw at them. At a moments notice though, had the right man came along they would have left that independence alone and became one with that man.

What went wrong? Women started getting complacent, and lost the hope. Or they out of weakness tried to cover up that void in their life and invented the phrase, “I don’t need a man.” That phrase was the death of all hope of ever attracting a man.

A man doesn’t want you to be weak and needy, but he does want you to be humble enough to let him feel needed. If you can do it all on your won and you don’t want or need any help, then what is he there for? Men aren’t accessories like you collect while you’re single and balling. Men are like the actual garment, they want to be needed as if without them, you would be naked. Right here the bitter women, or the ones that have accepted this mantra, “I don’t need a man”, are really going off on me in their head. Hold up real quick….

The Solution…
Recondition your mind! Realize that God didn’t make Adam or Eve to be alone, but to be together. Understand what a real relationship consist of and know your role, men and women inside of that relationship. It’s not for either party to be an accessory, or disposable. It’s not for either party to be the dictator or tyrant. It’s not for either party to come in and complete the other, but for both parties to come in and complement one another. Know where you stand. If you are a single and successful woman don’t accept that as your lifetime purpose, know that it’s just a season and prepare yourself to be found by your groom. I heard that Beyonce was supposed to be doing way with the single ladies theme, so if that’s true you do it too! Don’t condition your mind so that you block your blessing. Be open to love and to marriage. When a good man comes into your life, let him be the man. Let him help out and provide, and give him room to do so. I’m not saying that you should shrink or belittle yourself, but find a man that fits you a man that has enough swagger and confidence to feel like a man with a woman like you.  Remember that your thoughts determine your actions, and your actions determine your results. So be careful how you tell yourself and what you are putting out into the atmosphere because that’s exactly what you will attract.

-Tony A. Gaskins Jr. |Follow Me@tonygaskins

Soul Writers, LLC
The Future Speaks,Inc.


Filed under For the Ladies

2 responses to “The REAL Reason You DON’T Have A Man: Tony Gaskins breaks it down!

  1. Rebekah

    This second comment is just so that I can be notified via email, once you’re able to respond directly onto this blog… for I forgot to check those boxes in my original comment. So please respond to this comment, when responding to my previous. Thank you!

  2. Rebekah

    Dear Mr. Gaskins,

    I’ve been reading your blogs and watching your videos for some time now. I feel you have a lot of useful wisdom to offer and your marriage is truly inspiring.

    I was with a man I met at a very young age, for approximately 7 years. When we met we both didn’t have much to bring to the table besides one another. We clicked almost instantly. We both were very unstable at the time and didn’t have a place of our own. We gathered enough money together and got our first place. We pushed one another to be better and began to grow together, very quickly. From mentally, to physically, to financially, to emotionally, but one aspect was lacking… spiritually. I grew to respect him very deeply. We began a successful business together and continued to grow together, year after year. We brought a child into this world and then many of the suttle red flags, became crystal clear. Mid pregnancy, he began coming home very later and some nights he would creep in after sunrise… with some unbelievable story. Slowly, I began to lose respect for him and that showed in the way I began to speak to him. Little by little, things escalated and got worse and worse. Long story short, one night we got into a huge fight and he almost killed me.

    I now live with PTSD. I suffer flashbacks, have trouble getting close to a man, among other issues. I haven’t been in another relationship since and I do yearn for real love.

    I believe that he was my lesson. Oddly, the foundation of the relationship is what most seem to want. The growth, pushing one another to be better, progress, teamwork. I believe that where I went wrong (I say this in accepting responsibility), was that I didn’t leave when I should’ve. I don’t believe in breaking up and seperation. I grew up in a broken home and desperately wanted to fight through any hardships, to weather the storms. Although, due to the choices made my respect for him was lost. Which began to show, no matter how hard I tried not to let it. I believe that was my greatest error… not leaving sooner. By prolonging, it damaged the relationship severely. He in turn lost respect for me and I was miserable. I remained loyal, during the entire duration, but it felt as though I was dying on the inside.

    7 years later from the day I almost lost my life and we cannot even communicate, nor do we.

    Looking back, I now see the importance of many aspects that I overlooked. Such as living together, sex outside of marriage, being unequally yolked, treating our relationship as a marriage, being a rider as a wife should be… though, we were not married (praise God). I do not believe in divorce.

    I still haven’t healed and I’ve become that “independent woman”. Though, please believe I long and yearn for the day I meet Mr. Right but I know in my heart it wouldn’t be fair to him in this condition.

    I may never be the same woman I once was, according to statistics but I’m determined to beat those odds! Therefore, my focus has been on healing and building my relationship with God. One of the hardest things I’ve been trying so hard to accomplish, is forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for allowing this situation to build to the point that it did, to where all of these years later I am still striving to heal.

    I believe that most “independent women” are truly women that have been hurt so badly, that they’ve chose the safer route.

    I have so much love, loyalty, affection, etc to give but I feel it would be unfair to date anyone until I’ve healed. I still feel the pain. The heaviness on my heart.

    I believe that there is somehow a purpose in it all and one of the greatest things that have come from it, is I’ve grown closer to God. I’ve become more empathic, humble, righteous (although I do fall short, at times).

    My question to you is this… I believe true love, real love… heals. If the right man comes into my life and makes me feel safe, proves in his consistency of actions, over time that he is worth the risk… is it unfair to give it a go, knowing I haven’t healed?

    I know I have so much love to give and I’m fiercely loyal. I only know love in one form and that is extremely deeply. I just don’t want to this pain ever again. So, I’ve been waiting on my male version of me. I’ve been practicing celibacy to help my healing and also to prepare for him, emotionally. It’s definitely challenging, at times. I’m not interested in a boyfriend, I’ve grown to desire a husband. The missing piece.

    Are there any words of wisdom you can share?! And in all fairness, how long should one wait or will a part of me always be deeply scarred? I’m perplexed on that piece, for I believe if love is reap it can heal… so if he comes along, maybe I shouldn’t let the past / my pain stand in the way?

    Any insights you can offer would be very much appreciated! Sincerely.

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